For all my dear ones who can’t bear to hear me give them all that is their due in lone, long and spectacular title, here is “The Brigantia’s Lament.” No actual heralds were harmed in the making of this song.
The Brigantia herald, he came into court
at their majesties pleasure, I can report.
They gave him a quest
which they thought he’d do best,
but alas the poor herald could not support!
They said, “Stack up the titles, they’re getting quite long.
When we call folk to court it’s exhausting the throng!
So stack up the titles in neat little piles…
And you’ll have them rejoicing and dancing in aisles.”
The herald turned yellow and then slightly green
He said “what you ask I find quite obscene,
it’s against all tradition…
my personal mission…”
And he then fled the Presence to find a latrine.
Regaining composure the herald returned,
He begged and he pleaded but still he was spurned
“I shall if you force it
but will not endorse it”
And they nodded quite sternly while he looked concerned.
They said, “Stack up the titles, they’re getting quite long.
When we call folk to court it’s exhausting the throng!
So stack up the titles in neat little piles…
And you’ll have them rejoicing and dancing in aisles.”
When court finally started the herald looked round
The populace gathered, not making a sound
He puffed out his chest,
With his conscience he wrest,
And then mumbled and muttered and stared at the ground…
“Would the Master Sir Baron Gerald of Kent
Come to the throne, there now be a good gent,”
He called out in style
While holding back bile
As inwardly he overcame his torment.
They said, “Stack up the titles, they’re getting quite long.
When we call folk to court it’s exhausting the throng!
So stack up the titles in neat little piles…
And you’ll have them rejoicing and dancing in aisles.”
“Now The Honorable Baroness Mistress Melyne…”
He called to the crowd, now surprising a grin
“And Duke Master Thor,
Come on ashore!”
Bellowed he unto the Royals’ chagrin.
“Your Excellency Sir Viscount Roland, here!
Yes, come to the front, right on the top tier,
There’s bling you might guess,
For sure that’s a yes!
On this thrilling and novel heraldic frontier!”
They said, “Stack up the titles, they’re getting quite long.
When we call folk to court it’s exhausting the throng!
So stack up the titles in neat little piles…
And you’ll have them rejoicing and dancing in aisles.”
Yes, court was exciting, and all did agree.
I sat all the way through each and every decree!
But when it was ended
The approach was amended
And the Brigantia herald – he fainted with glee.
So I offer these words to those taken aback,
If you wish to sound noble, and not like a hack
For it’s quite cavalier
And isn’t too clear…
Best to just use one title, and never to stack!
When you stack up the titles, although they’re quite long,
If you call folk to court it confuses he throng!
Do not stack up the titles in neat little piles…
You’ll have heralds rejoicing and dancing in aisles.
Do not stack up the titles in neat little piles…
You’ll have heralds rejoicing and dancing in aisles.