The Tale of Titus

THIS, THIS is what happens when you issue a challenge to a bard girl when she is grumpy over something unrelated. YOU may become the VICTIM of CREATIVITY.

Just like Titus.

Let this be a cautionary tale to the rest of you.

You can listen to the 3-am draft-singing-at-my-desk recording here. It’s rough, but it’s here…You can even learn it and sing it whenever you see Titus. I’m sure he’d love it. He’s a Roman. They like attention. (This tune may change before you hear me actually sing it live, but the chorus will stay the same. Promise.)

Now the Romans they are noted for their finely pav-ed roads
And they have given us a history and conquered those in woads
They did this wearing dresses and with fine, delicate shoes,
and showed if you fight a Roman, you’ll very likely lose.

Among these warrior people a man stands on his own
he wears a carven chest plate, and strong legs with lovely tone
Known better by his charming smile than even his name
Once you’ve met Titus Claudius, you’ll never be the same.

Oh he’s a lover and a fighter
a healer and a thief
He’ll own a heart a strongly
as a noble holds a fief
He’ll blush just like a maiden
then deliver a coy wink
don’t under estimate the Romans,
for they’re smarter than you think.

It’s true he wears a tunic and walks with his legs bare
And like all the good Roman boys he neatly trims his hair
He boasts with the best of them…when a sword is in his hand
Ask the ladies who hang at the field – he’s known throughout the land

Oh he’s a lover and a fighter
a healer and a thief
He’ll own a heart a strongly
as a noble holds a fief
He’ll blush just like a maiden
then deliver a coy wink
don’t under estimate the Romans,
for they’re smarter than you think.

He is always quick to offer a cup of Roman wine
And with the glass a compliment to make a lady shine
His hands are quick to offer, with a kiss when they are clasped,
And two arms to firmly rescue those who’ve fainted as he passed.

Oh he’s a lover and a fighter
a healer and a thief
He’ll own a heart a strongly
as a noble holds a fief
He’ll blush just like a maiden
then deliver a coy wink
don’t under estimate the Romans,
for they’re smarter than you think.

He’ll lay hands on a shoulder that was recently at war
with one tender touch it’s obvious those hands were meant for more
as he soothes away the aches and pains in body and in soul
To be injured for his healing could soon become a goal…

Oh he’s a lover and a fighter
a healer and a thief
He’ll own a heart a strongly
as a noble holds a fief
He’ll blush just like a maiden
then deliver a coy wink
don’t under estimate the Romans,
for they’re smarter than you think.

Oh he’s a lover and a fighter
a healer and a thief
He’ll own a heart a strongly
as a noble holds a fief
He’ll blush just like a maiden
then deliver a coy wink
don’t under estimate the Romans,
for they’re smarter than you think.

 

 

 

 ps) there you go Serena! And thanks Laurie!

Eastern War song

Created by the mad scientists at Pastrano Laboratories after Spring Crown Tourney AS46.

I am Eastern, I am Eastern

So are you, So are you

Let’s go beat the Midrealm, Let’s go beat the Midrealm

With a stick! With a stick!

(To the tune of Frere Jaques, more or less.)

 

(Created by Lady Aneleda, Jarl Thorson, Countess Svava, and Syr Antonio over bagels. Muhahahahahha!)

The Malaweardian Anthem

the arms for Malaewardia

the arms for Malaewardia
The Arms of Mighty Malaweardia. Be warned. It's plumage is volient for a reason.

**sings an anthem**

ooooh we are Malewerdians
We fight beneath the moon.
We stand firm as the tower white,
Where our enemies are strewn!

Oh we are Maleweardians
We fight as brothers true
Most of the time on the same side
Unless mead we can accrue.

O Purpur, O Or
Our foes they cannot see,
O Purpur, O Or
for our blinding gyrony!

Oh we are Maleweardians
Oft we rush the field together
We fight and play and dance and sing
And exchange tokens of leather

Oh we are Maleweardians
We also fight for bacon
If our allies’ cooks are endangered
Harsh steps will be taken.

O Purpur, O Or
Our foes they cannot see,
O Purpur, O Or
for our blinding gyrony!

Oh we are Maleweardians
we share many fine kin
we trade our citizens like cards,
that’s why we always win!

Oh we are Maleweardians
in battle we are strong
we’ve blinded those who look at us
and now deafen with this song!

O Purpur, O Or
Our foes they cannot see,
O Purpur, O Or
for our blinding gyrony!

O Purpur, O Or
Our foes they cannot see,
O Purpur, O Or
for our blinding gyrony!

The Heralds’ Adventure

“This ode was made when Astrid needed our help for Malagentia in the Great Northeastern War, and we hadn’t been asked (or thought we’d not been asked) and she was sure we had been.  So I imagined what might have happened to the heralds who had been sent forth to ask for our aid.”

The Leader of the neighbor realm
called his heralds into court
“We’ve a need that’s dire in nature,
and desire for brave support!”
Thus the Heralds were commanded
to deliver impassioned plea.
So up the road that pointed north
on mighty mounts went three…

What became of those good heralds
now we at last shall see.
The first and eldest Herald
cleared his mighty throat to speak,
when his senses were betrayed
by the smell of cooking leeks.
He headed toward the kitchen
pushing quickly through the group,
there was a loud metallic rattle
followed by a joyful whoop…

The last time that we saw him
he was bathing in the soup!

Thus Herald two began the speech
for the folk of Endewearde
but the pretty lass a winking
made rememb’ring rather hard.
A fierce look from her mother
brought the second lad around
but to his own amazement,
he couldn’t make a sound….

And now he’s either married
or he’s buried underground!

The way was long and dangerous
Herald three barely survived!
He passed by the water tower
quite relived he had arrived.
The populace did gather
at the the shaking Herald’s hail
and took him to the mead hall
to listen to his tale…

He never made it back for he’s
still drunk on Godric’s ale!

So war loomed for the neighbor land
and the people did not know.
They had a cook and wedding
and a brand new bard to show.
Finally the question came
from a Lady very high,
and who would dare refuse to help
when asked by Valker-aye?

Oh we would not refuse to help
when asked by Valker-aye!