Thor Some Sugar on Me, a filk in poor, if sweet, taste

In which I discover a terrible place and manner in which to tell the Tale of Thor Retrieving Moljnir By Dressing As Freya and Marrying Thrym, Dammit Loki.

I present you “Thor Some Sugar On Me”

#sorrynotsorry #Iblameamanda #highononions

# # #

Asgard is tha bomb, baby, c’mon get it on
Livin’ like a lover with a keep of stone
Ægir likes it damp, Loki is a scamp
Golden-haired woman, can I be your man?

Razzle ‘n’ a dazzle ‘n’ a flash a little light
Rev’in up Bragi an’ he’ll go all night
Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet
Innocent as Baldur you can sugar me, yeah, yeah

So c’mon, take a mead cask, shake it up
Break the bubble, break it up

Thor some sugar on me
Ooh, in the name of love
Thor some sugar on me
C’mon, fire me up
Thor your sugar on me
I can’t get enough!

I’m hot, sticky sweet
From my head to my feet

heyra!
Red light, yellow light, runnin’ through the snow
Dressing as a woman in a one-man show
Thrym queen, prim and preen, rhythm of love
goat team, Jotunheim, loosen up

You gotta squeeze a little, tease a little, please a little more
Easy looking Freya come a-knockin’ on the door
Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet
Oxen, salmon, sugar me!

So give me Mjölnir

Take a mead cask, shake it up
Break the bubble, break it up

Thor some sugar on me
Ooh, in the name of love
Thor some sugar on me

C’mon fire me up
Thor your sugar on me
I can’t get enough

I’m hot, sticky sweet
From my head to my feet

You got the hammer, it’s all a gleam
Let me hold craft supreme
‘Cause I’m hot, hot, say what, sticky sweet
From my head, my head to my feet

Do you take sugar?
ONE LUMP OR TWOOOOOOOO???

Take a mead cask, shake it up
Break the giant, break him up!

Thor some sugar on me
Ooh, in the name of love
Thor some sugar on me
C’mon fire me up
Thor your sugar on me
I can’t get enough

Thor some sugar on me
Oh, in the name of love
Thor some sugar on me
Get it, come get it
Thor your sugar on me
Thor some sugar on me
Sugar me!

What’s Worn Beneath The Kilt: The Scotsman Updated

The first time I heard “The Scotsman Song” written in 1979 by Mike Cross, I found it funny. I was young and the idea was kind of hilarious, a turnabout that was unexpected  and silly. I mean, who on earth would do that, right?

However, I’ve gotten older and I’ve gotten to know many men who wear kilts and who have had many questions about how they’re attired, at best, and have been groped for that discovery, at worst. Add to that that the gent in question is drunk and thereby nonconsensual…well, this song has become Very Problematic for me and I can’t stomach the original because it feels so inappropriate that I can’t find it funny any more.

Because it’s still a staple in the Ren Faire world and often performed in the SCA, I decided to write my OWN version, update to embrace the behavior I expect from others.

Please, feel free to adopt it into your own songbooks.

Download a binder-ready pdf version right here:  What’s Worn Beneath The Kilt_ The Scotsman Updated


“What’s Worn Beneath The Kilt: The Scotsman Updated”
– by Aneleda Falconbridge (mka Monique Bouchard) based on “The Scotsman Song” by Mike Cross, 1979

A Scotsman clad in kilt left the bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked he’d drunk more than his share
He stumbled on until he could no longer keep his feet
Then staggered off into the grass to sleep beside the street.

Ring ding diddle diddle i de o Ring di diddle i o deet
He staggered off into the grass to sleep beside the street.

Later on two young and lovely girls just happened by,
And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
You see yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built
I wonder if it’s true what they don’t wear beneath their kilt.

Ring ding diddle diddle i de o  Ring di diddle i o dilt
I wonder if it’s true what they don’t wear beneath their kilt.

They crept up to the sleeping Scot as quiet as could be
And at a decent distance they waited patiently
That they might discover if  beneath that Scottish skirt
Were boxers, stretchy Y fronts, or the clothes he’d worn at birth

Ring ding diddle diddle i de o Ring di diddle i o dirth
Were boxers, stretchy Y fronts, or the clothes he’d worn at birth

They waited for a hour then one said we’d best be gone
The other wanted answers but they’d both begun to yawn
They took out blue silk ribbon, tied their hair up in a bow
So it wouldn’t be too tangled as they they slept in the meadow.

Ring ding diddle diddle i de o Ring di diddle i o doh
So it wouldn’t be too tangled as they they slept in the meadow.

The Scotsman woke to nature’s call and stumbled toward the trees
Behind a bush he spied them, just waking in dawn’s breeze
With a cheery greeting the ladies caught his eyes
“Beg pardon, would you tell us of this garment o’er your thighs?”

Ring ding diddle diddle i de o Ring di diddle io die
“Beg pardon, would you tell us of this garment o’er your thighs?”

“We’ve heard many a rumor ‘bout what’s worn beneath the plaid,
Would you please enlighten as how you might be clad?”
We’ve waited through the evening to ask you with respect
Which of the many rumors is the one that is correct.

Ring ding diddle diddle i de o Ring di diddle i o dekt
Which of the many rumors is the one that is correct.

Thank you so for asking, the bonnie lad did say,
Rather than assuming things about my modesty
Surely I will tell you since you’ve waited since last night….

(spoken) AHEM. Well, there’s no Scottish Highlander’s Rulebook or anything and this subject is divided even among the most cultured Scots. As a matter of fact, according to a survey* of kilt wearing Scots, a full 55% wear shorts or briefs beneath their kilts. The rest do not. However, it’s worth noting that The Scottish Tartans Authority has decreed that refusing to wear underwear beneath the country’s national dress is “childish and unhygienic” but….

Depending on the kilt wearer, both answers may be right!

Ring ding diddle diddle i de o Ring di diddle i o dite
But depending on the kilt wearer, both answers may be right!

The ladies rose and thanked him for the sharing of these facts
In turn he also thanked them for polite and civil acts

Please accept our ribbons for our views have been revised,

And we know more than we did before– knowledge ought be prized!

Ring ding diddle diddle i de o Ring di diddle i o diez
O we know more than we did before– knowledge ought be prized!

 

* https://yougov.co.uk/news/2016/10/09/what-does-scotsman-wear-under-his-kilt/

 

 

When We Were Young

I wrote this song for myself and for other friends who have become parents, seeing our lives — and our adventures — change.

It’s not always easy. But there it is.

 

When we were young

our swords were steel

and we fought dragons

We’d oil the moat

and stand to watch it burn.

We climbed mountains

as the snow lay crisp around us.

We bragged of love

and mighty sacrifice.

When we were young

Our arms were strong

our heads were more so

We’d oil our faces

and cavort around the fire.

We’d stumble, falling

as the flowers bloomed around us.

We sang of love

and mighty sacrifice.

When we were young

Our hearts were light

And we were noble.

We’d oil the lamps

and laugh ‘till they were gone.

We left taverns

as the dawn would blush around us.

We dreamed of love

and mighty sacrifice.

When we were young

our cloaks were thick

and we would wander.

We’d oil the cart

and push ‘till she would go.

We picked apples

as the leaves fell all around us.

We talked of love

and mighty sacrifice.

Now we have young

our swords are wood

and we are dragons.

We oil the pans

And pray that nothing burns.

We watch in silence,

as the stars grow bright around us.

We learned of love

and mighty sacrifice.

We watch in silence,

as the stars grow bright around us.

We know of love

and mighty sacrifice.

By Aneleda for Jean, Sorcia, and Gui-Andre

My Summer Brothers

It had been a while since I was struck by song inspiration, which vexed me, but in the days leading up to the EK Spring Crown (in which Sir Culann was fighting for me) I found that my muse decided to come and visit.

This is a song about three men who have been influential to my SCA experience, Culann Mac Cianain, Ian Stewart, and Adam Brennan. I presented this to Angus before I left and to Culann and Brennan on Saturday night after Crown was done, dinner was had. (We made the semifinals! There was steak! There were people! Yay!)

Born of a Pembridge campfire at the War of the Roses, I give you the song, which you can hear by clicking the link.

My summer brothers
Spoke to me across the sparkling flame
My summer brothers
Asked for songs forged of an ancient fame
I sang to them, and to my kin,
as the stars drew closely down
Who that night would have seen the paths
That lead to our renown.

One summer brother came to me
A strong and comely knight.
That summer brother promised me
That beside me he would fight.
Never was I outside his view,
Nor lost in melee’s hold
Careful and watchful, was my shield,
His presence made me bold!

One summer brother came to me
With warriors at his side
That summer brother
Bade me sing, e’re they set out to ride.
Forty fierce and noble men
Brought wrath at his commands,
Yet would soothe my tears and place mulled wine
Within my hands.

My summer brothers
Spoke to me across the sparkling flame
My summer brothers
Asked for songs forged of an ancient fame
I sang to them, and to my kin,
as the stars drew closely down
Who that night would have seen the paths
That lead to our renown.

One summer brother came to me
So by his King assigned
That summer brother
Had given word he’d not leave me behind.
He brought me light to darkened hall
The concerns of all he’d quell,
His vigilant gaze on everything
Assuring all was well.

My summer brothers come to me
Now Duke, Master, and Knight
My summer brothers
Give me joy and stories fine to write.
Our lives have changed in many ways
Since that lazy summer fire
But like the sparks that fleck the night
They warm and they inspire.

My summer brothers
Spoke to me across the sparkling flame
My summer brothers
Asked for songs forged of an ancient fame
I sang to them, and to my kin,
as the stars drew closely down
Who that night would have seen the paths
That lead to our renown

My summer brothers
Spoke to me across the sparkling flame
My summer brothers
Asked for songs forged of an ancient fame
I sang to them, and to my kin,
as the stars drew closely down
Who that night would have seen the paths
That lead to our renown.

This summer sister loves you all,
You taught her to serve well.
This summer sister proudly sings
And your stories she will tell.
Seldom we stand as merry band
For we are rarely free
But I carry each one of you inside
With each joy and victory.

My summer brothers
Spoke to me across the sparkling flame
My summer brothers
Asked for songs forged of an ancient fame
I sang to them, and to my kin,
as the stars drew closely down
Who that night would have seen the paths
That lead to our renown.

My summer brothers
Spoke to me across the sparkling flame
My summer brothers
Will be songs forged of an ancient fame
Yes my summer brothers
Will be songs forged of an ancient fame.

 

Lullaby for the Mistlands

This piece was created for Anonii, Prince of the Mistlands, and his Princess, Helga. Antonii is a friend and has been an Eastern Unbelted Champion, and it was my desire to have a song for him during his reign. It is in celebration of the Mist-Cyguna War which happens every spring.

 

 

O the mighty wall of whitened cloud

Around the swan doth turn.

The mighty host of the brave Mistland

Will stand without concern

And ever there, throughout all time, no battle waged so fair

As the one between the swan and cloud

O would that I were there.

 

Cygunans fight with beak and wing

Their weapons fierce and fine

To cut the wall to the burning sky

Is the swan’s design.

 

Passing through the summer grey

Mistlanders bring the dew

Gathering steam, they build upon the veil

Which hides their retinue.

 

As ordained by the cycling sun,

Lead each with steel and might

Let your honor be your sword,

Favor all within your sight.

 

The bird and brume will ever feud

In contest long campaign

Then in peace shall live a while

As western kindred twain.